Last week, Dungeons & Dragons was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Obviously, I think this is a great thing.

(Hint, hint.)

But more important than any novels I've written about a role-playing adventure I created, this special occasion gives me the opportunity to remind you of Tom Hanks' greatest performance.

This movie is Mazes and Monsters, the 1982 classic based on the right-wing paranoia that Dungeons & Dragons was destroying childrens' minds.

Drink it in. That man has won two Academy Awards.

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Today is the 8th International Tom Hanks Day. Take some time today to reflect on the glory of the Great Hanks and how he has positively impacted your life. Don't do it for me. Do it for Tom Hanks.

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Apparently I'm not paying enough attention to pornography. I just found out that Hustler released a movie last month called the Da Vinci Load. Promotional material for the film describes it thus:

The truth cums out! Operatives of the Priory of Semen discover that Leonardo da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm.

That sounds waaay better than any film starring Tom Hanks. (Don't let the titles fool you, Bosom Buddies was actually much tamer than Bachelor Party, though neither one is really all that good. The closest that Hanks has ever gotten to being in a porn film is when he portrayed the character Woody in the movie Toy Story.)

Also of note is that the Da Vinci Load is a High-Defintion porno (which says nothing about the quality of the film itself). I had a debate with a friend a few weeks back about whether HD porn was a good idea. My argument was that I didn't really want to be able to easily count the ingrown hairs on a coked-out pornstar's butt. My friend said that everything looks better in HD, including ass pimples. He's right, of course: everything on HDTV is actually much better looking than anything in real life. (But I'm still not sure that the world is ready for HD pustules.)

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